3.1 Making decisions and taking action
Your operating system is the source of your….
Decision-making
And…
Action-taking.
But your OS has to be based in specific values. And those values make all the difference.
What’s the heart of an operating system? What gives it its character and power?
The answer is…
Your moral core.
Which sounds very nice, except “moral” is a battleground word. And it’s tricky.
The assumption is that if you’re “moral” that’s a good thing.
But “moral” just means..
How you want people to treat each other.
And how you want people to treat you. And also not to be forgotten, how you want to treat yourself, because this, too, is a moral decision.
There are people who believe in exploiting others, especially those with less power who are more vulnerable. And they live by this commitment to exploitation.
So theirs is the…
Morality of exploitation.
And there are those who hate everyone who is not like them, meaning not part of their tribe.
So theirs is the…
Morality of tribal hate.
So just because a person considers themselves “moral” does not mean that’s a good thing. Morality can be good or bad depending what motivates it.
In the activist world, the Sacrificial-Savior OS has a morality of its own. It’s based on a moral core that says it’s okay to sacrifice ourselves and each other for the sake of the cause.
This is not just an operating system, it’s a moral system. One that diminishes you and everyone who comes under its spell.
The Deep-Nurturance OS is a moral system too. But the heart of it is…
Deep nurturance.
Thus the name.
The DNOS…
Grows you.
It calls on you…
To feel for yourself and fight for yourself.
And to fight for what you believe in–your moral values.
If you look into that deepest place in your heart and you find nurturance reigning there, then this is the OS for you. The SSOS will not be a match for you no matter how much someone might adapt it or buffer it or try to dress it up.
And personally, how I like to talk about the heart of the DNOS is to say it’s…
Mutual nurturance and mutual advocacy.
Where mutual includes everyone. Which means reaching across all the divisions there are between people, both personal and tribal.
So the DNOS is radical. Again, it’s not a collection of pretty platitudes. It’s as gutsy as human endeavors get, because it is anti-tribal. It opposes the tribal core of the human operating system. It opposes tribal fundamentalism, which made us, which gave us dominion over the earth, but is now killing us.
So, as I see it, at the heart of the DNOS is…
Trans-tribalism.
Which is about transcending the out-of-control compulsive divisiveness of our tribal nature.
Personal power
At a conference a couple years ago, I met Eva, a young woman, a scientist from a small European country. She was brand new to activism.
Two weeks earlier, she and her colleagues had written a polite, but forthright letter to the president of their country about climate change. The national newspaper printed the letter, but gave it this headline: “SCIENTISTS THREATEN PRESIDENT.”
Eva laughed about how ridiculous that was, but it scared her to be lied about like that. It made her hesitate about stepping any further into the fray of political action.
As I listened to her, I asked myself…
If I could give her just one gift, what would it be?
There are so many things I’d want for her, but if I could pick only one thing, I’d give her the gift of…
Personal power.
And why?
First, because when you step into political action…
You’re stepping into a power struggle.
If you’re doing ambitious things like trying to stop exploitation, abuse, and oppression, if you’re trying to save the world from destruction, you’ll quickly discover there are people with enormous power and wealth who will oppose you.
They’ll defend the status quo with everything they’ve got. And they won’t be nice about it. They’ll be happy to hurt you, and hurt you badly, if that’s what it takes to defeat you.
So I urge you, if you go out into the world to take on the…
Powers that be,
Please, don’t try to do that with…
Powers that aren’t.
A second reason I want Eva and every activist to have as much personal gutsiness as possible is that…
How-tos are not enough.
For example, if you’re running a nonprofit…
How-tos don’t deal with a bully on your Board. You do that.
How-tos don’t go out and ask for money. You do that.
How-tos don’t disarm a battle between two staff. You do that.
And when you engage in political action…
How-tos are not taking the risk. You are.
I remember when I first had to go out and ask for money for my child abuse prevention work, I didn’t know anything about fundraising.
So I studied up. I read the books, I took the workshops, I learned all the how-tos. In fact, I learned them so well, that I could have taught those workshops myself. And I could have passed any written exam with flying colors.
But when I stood face to face with a prospective donor…
The ask would stick in my throat.
What was the problem? I was missing the personal moxie I needed to put those how-tos into practice…
It was like having a state-of-the-art set of power tools, but no electricity.
A third reason to develop personal power is that under ordinary circumstances activism is hard enough in and of itself, but it’s so much harder if while you’re doing your work, you have to wrestle with inner obstacles and blocks and fears.
A fourth reason is that we’re living in extraordinary times. We’re facing the extinction of our species. This is a new kind of challenge and it takes a new kind of grit.
And then there’s one final reason, and the one I like best. When you maximize your personal power…
Being you becomes a whole lot more fun.
This chapter
Sections 3.2 through 3.5 of this chapter are about the discipline it takes to follow the DNOS in your activism.
Deep-nurturance asks a lot of you. It’s not a casual thing. It’s not a happy wish you make.
Instead, the DNOS is a…
Serious daily practice.
I would say it’s a commitment. As serious a commitment as you can make.
But I notice I’m balking at the word “commitment.” It’s got too much should in it for my taste.
So I’d rather say that deciding to put the DNOS at the center of your activism and your life is…
A matter of desire.
Moral desire.
It matters to you so much that you can’t not go for it.
You’re not forcing yourself into making a commitment. You’re dancing your way into a deeper relationship with nurturance, because this is…
The desire that’s deepest in your heart.
And it’s a pleasure to let it take the lead.
The DNOS has so much love in it, it doesn’t need any shoulds to keep it going, not any, not ever.
Sections 3.6 through 3.13 are some of my favorite blessings that have come to me from engaging in the DNOS over the years.
And the final section is my very favorite blessing–deeper self-love.
Please remember as you read that the DNOS is a system. Some of these blessings might not seem like much on their own, but when you pull them all together in daily practice, they become a force to reckon with.
PS: Tribal fundamentalism is a key issue for activists. Our tribal way of life is what made us and now it’s killing us. So it’s a top priority issue. It’s more urgent that climate change. It underlies so much of what’s going wrong with our politics.
I don’t discuss tribalism in depth on this site, but if you want more information about it, you can find it in my book, Asking More of Love.
