6.2 Play your way into advocacy asking
Some people take to the advocacy approach instantly and happily. For other people, like me, it’s much more of a challenge. It’s different. It’s unfamiliar. It asks something more of us than a pressure ask.
For me it took some serious work to get into the advocacy spirit when asking for money. But what I want to recommend here is something better. I want to recommend that you…
Play your way into mastery of the Advocacy Ask.
How do you do that? Instead of going out on an important ask and trying out advocacy for the first time cold, you practice with it on your own.
My favorite way of doing that is writing out dialogues. I imagine a character who I’m going to ask. I really imagine her. I want to get a feel for her personality and psychology, and then I make my ask responsive to her.
I imagine different kinds of prospects. And I imagine two, three, four or more ways of opening the conversation and proceeding to the decision.
And given that I’m just playing and there’s no pressure, I find that I get creative. And I want to bring that creativity into real asks.
A second favorite thing to do is play with a friend or colleague, trying out different asks. Instead of “trying to do it right,” I like to push boundaries, get a feel for the range of possible asks, and calibrate. Find by experimenting, what works for me. And get a feel for it in my bones.
Which means when I’m talking with a prospect I get to really be with her. Instead of my attention being on trying to figure out the next thing I’m supposed to say.
Another way to play is to do Discovery Interviews, which is coming up on the next page.
So here goes with some examples I’ve written out. Please use them to provoke your own thinking about how you want to have asking conversations. Of course, there are a multitude of other possibilities for advocacy conversations.
In these examples, I’m focusing on three parts of the asking conversation.
1. The upfront contract
Working with my prospect to make sure that she crosses over from the pressure world into the advocacy zone.
2. The advocacy conversation
I’m going to go as deep into my prospect’s need to contribute as she wants to go. And I’ll give her the chance to lead the conversation if she’d like by asking me questions and telling me what she needs to know about my organization.
3. The real decision
I’m going to work with my prospect as her advocate to help her make the decision that’s really right for her. I’ll coach her, I’ll advocate for her
Even in an optimal situation, when you know someone well and you know they love your organization, still it matters that you grant explicit permission to say no. It might be in the form of a short check-in…
Gina: Hi, Jack!
Jack: Hey, how’re you doing?
Gina: I want to ask you about being a donor for my nonprofit. Now one thing I know about you is that you’re good at setting boundaries and saying no when you mean no.
Jack: Yep. No problem there. Never has been.
Gina: Well, if you’re willing to have this conversation with me, can I count on you to simply tell me what’s true for you? If this is not a match for you, will you tell me that?
Jack: Sure will.
Gina: And if it is a match, I’d love to have you say yes, because I’d love to have you be one of our key donors, and I’d be glad to tell you why we want you.
Jack: You’re on. Go for it…
I believe that…
Your presence matters even more than your technique.
One time I forgot to give the permission upfront. At the end of the conversation, Tricia said to me…
“You know what was great about this? The whole time we were talking, I felt like it would be completely okay to tell you no if I wanted to.”
So the upfront permission has to be more than a good intention or lip service. It matters that your prospect feels your advocacy for them. And feel that it is genuine. And that you really mean it, no BS.
Tara
I imagined Tara who opens quickly to the advocacy approach.
Rich: Hi, Tara!
Tara: Hi, Rich!
Rich: I wanted to talk with you about joining our Leadership Circle at CAP, which involves a major donation. But I don’t want you to do this unless you really want to.
Here’s why I’m saying that. I don’t like it when people ask me for money and they put the pressure on. I feel pushed up against the wall. I know the only answer that will make them happy is yes, and I already contribute to my favorite nonprofits.
Do you know what I mean?
Tara: Do I ever! Happens all the time. Is there any other way to do fundraising?
Rich: Yes. I hope so. And that’s what I want to do with you. I’m not going to pressure you. And you especially, because our friendship matters to me way more than any donation.
So if you’re willing to have a conversation with me about the Leadership Circle, when we’re done, I’ll simply ask you to stop and think about the decision you want to make. And then you can just tell me what’s true for you. How would that be?
Tara: Do you really mean it?
Rich: I do.
Tara: Yes, actually I know that about you. You always treat me with consideration and respect. So this conversation is just part of the relationship we already have? Is that it?
Rich: That’s it exactly.
Tara: Okay, then I’m ready to go. This is different than how I’ve ever been asked before. I want to see what it feels like. Where do we start?
Rich: What would you like to know?
Tara: Hmm, well, since I used to be a teacher, I want to know what happens to the kids in the classroom. I’m so angry about teaching to the test and the stupid textbooks and the curriculum requirements that have nothing to do with the real world.
What do you do to counter that? Does CAP wake kids up, does it make them think? Do they pay attention to what you’re teaching? Do they use what they’ve learned when they’re in dangerous situations? Instead of dumbing kids down are you smarting them up? That’s what I care about.
Rich: Okay, this issue of safety is so serious for kids that they pay big attention from the beginning of the workshop right through to the end. And in the middle of the lesson they get to do a special safety yell right there in the classroom and they love that.
How about if I tell you how we empower kids as we teach them self-defense strategies and I can give you some true stories of kids getting away from kidnappers and molesters.
Then you can tell me the ways in which we match or don’t match your definition of smarting up. How’s that sound?
Tara: Yes, that works for me. I really want to hear this…
Lynn
I imagined Lynn as a decisive woman with a mind of her own.
Rich: Hi, Lynn!
Lynn: Hi, Rich!
Rich: At CAP we’re looking for people who might want to make a contribution and become part of our Leadership Circle.
And I’d like to talk with you about that, if that’s okay, but first here’s something important to know. We’re just looking for kindred spirits. We’re just looking for people who’d sincerely love to be in our Leadership Circle.
We don’t want to twist anyone’s arm. In fact, three months ago at our Board meeting, so many of us felt so strongly about this that we made it official policy.
Lynn: Whoa, Nellybones! Are you ever going to find anyone that way?
Rich: Oh, yes, we already have. And I can tell you it feels great to look down the list of the members of our Circle and know that every single one of them is happy to be part of it. We know that for each of them, giving to CAP genuinely meets their need to make a difference.
Lynn: Okay, now I’m curious. I’d like to see that list. Is that a cheeky thing to ask?
Rich: Not at all. Here it is.
Lynn: Oh, yes, I know Tom and Everett. I think I see what you mean. It would feel good to know that everyone really wants to be there. There’s something clean about it.
Rich: Yes, that’s it. So if you’re willing to have a conversation with me about CAP, what I’d like to do at the end is simply ask you to take a moment and think about whether this Circle is something you’d really like to be part of or not. Then just tell me what’s true for you.
And as I said, it’s really okay with me if you tell me no.
Lynn: Well, I can’t see any risk here. No tricks?
Rich: None. We’re really serious about this.
Lynn: Okay, I believe you, I guess.
Rich: Is there anything else you need so you can feel really solid about making this decision?
Lynn: No. When you say it that way, actually not. I do believe you.
Rich: Okay, so I can begin by telling you the basics about CAP, or do you have questions you’d like to start with?
Lynn: I have questions, but give me the two-minute background on CAP, the budget, number of staff, kids served, who’s on the Board. And then I’ll have a bunch of questions. I mean a bunch. I don’t give lightly. I need to know an organization before I make a serious donation.
Rich: That sounds good to me. And if you want, we’d be glad to have you come sit in on a children’s workshop. You can pick whatever age level interests you.
Lynn: Yes, I’d like that. But won’t it disturb the kids?
Rich: No, because we never have more than one visitor at a time, and they’ll just think you’re one of us.
And if you want to talk with anyone in our Leadership Circle, you can. They’ve all said they’d be happy to talk with prospective members.
Lynn: How about if I give Tom and Everett a call since I know them?
Rich: That’s fine.
Lynn: One more thing. Would you mind me reading through your 990? At work I always do due diligence when I’m putting together a deal. And I’m the same way about a major donation.
Rich: This is exactly why we’d like to have you in our Leadership Circle, because you take this seriously. I’ll put a 990 in the mail to you this afternoon.
Lynn: Okay, I’m set. Give me my background, then buckle up for my questions…
Lily
I imagined Lily as someone who’s hesitant about the upfront conract.
Rich: Hi, Lily! I want to see if you’d be willing to talk with me about joining our Leadership Circle of major donors. But first there’s something important I want to check out with you.
I don’t like it when people pressure me to give money. And I don’t like pressuring people.
Do you know what I mean?
Lily: Do I ever! I used to do it myself when I was running my nonprofit.
Rich: Well, that’s not the kind of conversation I want to have with you. Our friendship matters to me more than any donation.
If you’re willing to talk with me about CAP, when we’re done I’ll ask you to take a moment and think about it and then just tell me what’s true for you.
How would that be? Would you feel comfortable telling me no?
Lily: Hmmm.
Rich: Take your time right now and think about this.
Lily: Thanks. I’m a little slow when it comes to setting limits and stuff like that.
Rich: I know how that is. I used to struggle with saying no. But the only thing that matters to me in this conversation is that you make the decision that’s right for you.
Lily: Thanks for saying that. Okay, I promise to say no if that’s what I’m feeling.
Rich: Okay.
Lily: But why did you pick me to talk to?
Rich: I know you’re passionate about social change and you’re so smart about strategy that every time I talk with you I come away fired up with lots of new ideas. I consider you to be a kindred spirit and I’d love to have you be a member of our Circle. But only if it’s a match for you.
Lily: Well, I agree with you about pressure. I really don’t like it.
Rich: Yes, and here’s the thing about CAP. The whole point of our work is to empower children. So it would be all wrong for us not to empower our donors to make their own decisions. We really do want people to just tell us what’s true for them.
Lily: Oh, I get what you’re saying now. Sure, I’d be glad to have the conversation with you. I do admire CAP. It’s amazing what you’ve accomplished. But I also like to be personally involved with organizations I give to and I have no idea what that would look like with CAP.
Let’s talk. But I don’t know whether I’m going to say yes or no.
Rich: Perfect. I like the idea of us having a real conversation.
Lily: Okay, but let’s set another time when I won’t be watching the clock. Is Friday possible? I’ve got time to do a long lunch then and I want to be able to give this my full attention…
Brad
I imagined Brad as someone who’s game to play around with the ask.
Rich: Hey, Brad!
Brad: Rich! How’s it going?
Rich: Great for me, not so good for you.
Brad: Okay, I’ll bite. Why’s that?
Rich: Because I’m going to ask you for money. It’s April, so we’re doing our annual campaign for CAP.
Brad: Look out! The ASK-ENSTEIN is loose!
Rich: You bet and he’s hungrier than ever, which means this year I want to ask you to become one of our major donors.
Brad: How much are you going to hit me for?
Rich: Nothing!
Brad: I’m off the hook?
Rich: No, you’re going to hit yourself.
Brad: What?
Rich: Is there any way on God’s green Earth that I could make you give me money if you don’t want to give it?
Brad: Not hardly.
Rich: I’ve never once seen you let someone else make a decision for you.
Brad: That’s the secret of my sweet success.
Rich: I believe it. So how about a deal?
Brad: Depends. Pitch me.
Rich: Okay. I’ll tell you about what we’ve accomplished this past year and our plans for the year ahead. Then you take whatever time you need so you can decide if you want to move up to the Leadership Circle this year. Personally I want you there because you’ve got the kind of moxie we want in the Circle. But I don’t want you there if you don’t really want to be there.
Brad: Give me the update and I’ll tell you if I’m in or if I’m out. I’m doing really well this year so if I like what I hear, I might take the leap. How’s that for a tease?
Rich: Well, then, I’m going to give you my best presentation. It’s going to be the best presentation I’ve ever given to anybody.
Brad: Only the best for Brad. That’s what I like.
Rich: Okay, where do you want to start?
Brad: Your plans. I know about your accomplishments. Dude, I actually read your newsletter. Tell me what’s ahead. And remember I like ambitious people…
Sera
I imagined Sera as someone who today is pissed at being asked for money.
Rich: Hi, Sera!
Sera: Hi, Rich.
Rich: CAP is looking for people who might want to be part of our Leadership Circle and make a major donation to our work. And I wanted to talk with you about that.
But before we even go there, I need to say that I don’t like being pressured to give money and I don’t like pressuring people. So if you’re willing to have this conversation, would you just tell me what’s true for you? If it’s a match tell me yes, if it’s not tell me no.
Sera: I can tell you no right now. I’m really sorry, but I don’t even want to have this conversation.
Rich: What’s going on?
Sera: In the last three weeks, it seems like everyone I know has been asking me for big donations. It’s all pressure, pressure, pressure. I don’t care how you ask, I don’t want to hear it.
Rich: Cool. We’re done. It’s over. And thanks for being so direct with me. I love that.
Sera: I’m sorry if I sound like Scrooge, but it’s like everyone’s decided I’m made of money all of a sudden. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, but I’m so mad. You’re the one who got the blurt.
Rich: Actually, I like that. And here’s a question for you. If I take you to lunch, would you tell me what you didn’t like about all those asks? That would help me understand what goes wrong with fundraising, because it sure seems to me that a lot is going wrong. But do this only if you want to.
Sera: It would just be one big dump of frustration.
Rich: As long as you tell me the details, I love details.
Sera: Yeh, it would feel good to dump. I’ve really had it. I don’t know what to say to people when the pressure is on.
Rich: Oh, well, I can tell you what I do. It works really well for me. It doesn’t hurt people’s feelings, but it sure gets rid of the pressure.
Sera: Deal! I’ll dump and you tell me your secret. You buy lunch and I’ll buy dessert…
Will
I imagined Will as someone who needs some help in saying no.
Rich: Take a moment to decide if this is a match for you or not.
Will: What I’d like to do is think about this and then maybe after tax season I’ll get back to you.
Rich: It’s really okay to tell me no.
Will: Maybe you could send me some materials and maybe if I have time to read them I could give this some more thought.
Rich: How about if we just make it a no? How would that be?
Will: Okay. That feels right.
I don’t want anyone to carry a maybe away from an ask. That’s a burden, It puts a big gob of unfinished business into the middle of our relationship with no plan for how it’s going to get finished.
Whenever I’ve said, “Why don’t we just make it a no?” I almost always see relief or hear a thank you, which means the person really wanted to say no. So I’ve done him a favor.
Evan
I imagined Evan as someone who ends the conversation with a maybe, but for a good reason.
Rich: …take a minute and decide what’s true for you.
Evan: I might do this.
Rich: How about if we make that a no?
Evan: No, I really mean it. I might do this.
Rich: What do you need to be able to make your decision?
Evan: Would it be okay to sit in on a children’s workshop?
Rich: You bet. Pick whatever age level you want to see and I’ll set it up for you.
Evan: And could my wife come along? We make all our contribution decisions together.
Rich: We only have one visitor per workshop so the children don’t get distracted. But we could arrange for her to go to a workshop on her own. How’s that?
Evan: Oh, that’s fine. You don’t mind setting up two visits?
Rich: Not at all. Anything else you need to be able to make your decision?
Evan: That’ll do it. If I think of anything else I’ll let you know. Okay?
Rich: Perfect…
When I tried to turn the maybe into a no, I found out that there was something more my prospect needed. And as long as he’s genuinely engaged in the process of making a decision I want to stick with him every step of the way.
Jeff
I imagined Jeff as someone I wish I had found back when CAP was struggling with the state bureaucracy. There aren’t a lot of Jeffs around, but if you find one, hold onto him.
Rich: What would you like to know about?
Jeff: Truth be told, I don’t care about your services. Is that a terrible thing to say to a nonprofit person?
Rich: It’s a surprising thing.
Jeff: Here’s what I mean. I’ve given to good organizations in the past, and my wife really likes CAP, but frankly I get bored with the direct services. Nothing against them, they’re needed. It’s just not what floats my boat.
What I want to know about is that word “training” in your name, the Child Assault Prevention Training Center. What does that mean?
Rich: It means two things. First we’re training children in the classroom and second, we organize and train people in projects all over the state.
Jeff: Take me there.
Rich: Well, we wrote the legislation with Maxine Waters, and we lobbied the bill through, and we defend the legislation when other people try to steal our money for other things.
Jeff: That’s what I want to hear about. The behind the scenes stuff. My daughter runs a nonprofit in New Jersey and calls me for advice. I hear some pretty incredible stories. I have to laugh sometimes, the difference between the pretty PR patter in her brochure and the reality behind the scenes.
Rich: Oh, well. It’s the same here. Especially dealing with the state bureaucracy. Not a pretty picture.
Jeff: Okay, now we’re getting to it. I want to know what’s killing you right now.
Rich: Wow, I’ve never been asked that before. But I don’t have to think twice about the answer. The state office we get our funding from hates nonprofits.
Jeff: They actually said that?
Rich: In our first meeting with them after the legislation passed, they told us they only liked working with county offices—other bureaucracies— and did not want to work with us. They didn’t use the word “hate” but they were on the verge.
Kate and I dread going to Sacramento for these wretched day-long meetings where they work us over pretty good. It’s like a forced marriage and it’s not getting any better.
Jeff: Do you know what I do for a living?
Rich: Well, one of our Board members raves about you and we’ve read everything we could find about you and we know you’re very successful in business. You seem to be at the center of an awful lot of deals.
Jeff: I’m a rainmaker. What I do is work out deals. The more challenging they are the better I like them.
Rich: Wow, could you recommend some things for us to read so we could get better at negotiating with the State Office? Would you be willing to meet with me and Kate for a couple hours and teach us what you think would be the three most important things for us to know in our situation?
Jeff: No, that’s boring. Here’s what I’m going to offer. I’ll come to Sacramento with you for your next meeting. I want to see this for myself.
Rich: !!!
Jeff: What do you think?
Rich: That would be amazing. It would be such a gift. It’s exactly what we need. We’re really in over our heads. Nothing we’ve tried has worked. We really need your help. I can’t believe you’re offering this.
Jeff: How do you think they’ll react when I walk in with you?
Rich: It’ll blow their minds. They’ll be floored.
Jeff: How will that be for you?
Rich: Perfect. We need to shake things up. Surprise is good.
Jeff: Okay. How do we set this up?
Rich: We have a knock-down-drag-out meeting coming up in one month. Let’s see if the date fits in with your schedule. What kind of briefing do you need to prepare for this?
Jeff: I want your state contract, every page of it, so I know the parameters. And then a three-hour meeting with you and Kate so I can get a feel for the personalities and the strategies they’ve been using.
Rich: Done!
Jeff: And I’m writing you a check right now so I can be a member of your Leadership Circle. I want official status with CAP.
Rich: How about if we get our Board to designate you as their official representative along with me and Kate?
Jeff: Yes, that would help set the scene. Okay, here’s your check. I’m looking forward to this. This is my kind of fun.
Rich: Now, let me ask you one more thing before we’re done.
Jeff: Okay.
Rich: What might Kate and I do that would screw this up for you?
Jeff: That’s easy. Not showing up 100%. If you don’t, it’s over for me. If I’m going to show up, I need you to match me. I don’t care if you’re slow learners, I don’t care if you make mistakes, but what I want to see is try. I want to see commitment.
Rich: Okay. I can promise you that. Kate and I are relentless. We’ll do what it takes for CAP to succeed. And if you ever see us not showing up in the way you need, tell us and I can promise you we’ll respond.
Jeff: Deal.
Rich: Anything else?
Jeff: No. Here’s how I look at it. You’re my clients in the negotiations we’re going to be doing with the State. So that means I’m not going to run ahead of you, I won’t take things in a direction you don’t want to go in. I’m working for you.
But at the same time, I’m your mentor. In terms of developing of your negotiation ability, you’re following my lead.
Can you handle that kind of complex relationship?
Rich: Yes we can. And thanks for laying it out like that. Now I notice you said negotiations plural.
Jeff: Yes. If this works for you in the first meeting, I’m going to stick with you till you’re in the clear. I don’t do half a job. I like to win…
Notice in this example, Jeff took the lead in the conversation. He had no hesitation in setting things up so he’d get what he needed out of the deal. And it was clear that what he needed was an exact match for what Kate and I needed. There was nothing sacrificial about this gift.
Let me say a bit more about that question…
“What could we do that would screw this up for you?”
That might seem like a counterintuitive thing to do. It’s something Jim Camp teaches to help take the negotiation deeper.
Here’s an example of how well it works…
When the Governor cut the funding from our legislation and we knew we we’re going to have a tough fight ahead of us, we decided to hire a veteran lobbyist to lead our campaign. We knew exactly who we wanted. Sue was one of the best and she knew children’s issues inside and out.
We were going to pay her for her work, but because she was in such demand, we had to convince her to take us as a client.
So Kate and I met with her. We covered all the basics about the political situation we were in and possible strategies. Then it was getting close to decision time, so I asked Sue, “What might we do that would make you sorry you took us on as clients?”
She jumped on that question, “First, I need to have one person to work with. Only one. I hate when I get caught in the middle of infighting with coalitions. That’s a waste of my time.”
Then she told us #2 and #3. I don’t even remember what they were. They weren’t important.
Then she said, “And #4, I need to have one person to work with. Only one person I call for decisions and directions.”
I said, “Kate is that person. If you work with us, she’ll be the only person you have contact with. We want it that way, too. If anyone else from our coalition calls you, get their name, and you don’t have to explain anything, just hang up on them. Then call me and I’ll deal with them.”
She said, “Okay, let’s do this.”
And she liked working with us so much that she ended up giving us an extra month for free.
Joan
Next we’re going to look at an ask where the check comes easily, but I stay to have a conversation because I want to deepen my connection with the donor.
Rich: What would you like to know about our work?
Joan: My friend Ellison told me you have more branches than just this one.
Rich: That’s right. Only they’re not really branches. We started up 45 CAP projects, but they’re independent. And then we did legislation with Maxine Waters and now there are 81 prevention projects in the state, not all of them CAP, but all based on the same principles.
Joan: “Did the legislation” means what?
Rich: The works. We wrote it with Maxine. We organized the projects. We lobbied every one of the 120 legislators. We brought kids and families to the hearings. We did press conferences. We met with the Governor’s staff. It was a very demanding year, but we loved it.
Joan: Wow, I had no idea. I like hearing this.
Rich: What is it you like?
Joan: Being the founder of my own company, I’ve had to learn a lot the hard way about leadership, and so I appreciate serious leadership when I see it. I was planning on writing you a check already, but now I’m much more enthusiastic about writing it. In fact, I’m going to double what I was going to give. I really want to be part of this.
Well, through my donation, that is. I would actually love to be part of it, get personally involved. But given how demanding it is to run my business, there’s no way I can do that.
Rich: It means a lot to me to know that if you had time, you’d want to get involved.
Joan: I used to be quite the activist in college and I miss it. But there’s no time now.
Rich: I understand. But we still have time left in our hour this morning and if you like, I’d be glad to answer any questions about our leadership strategies and I’d love to hear about some of the things you’ve learned about leadership. Kate and I have also learned a lot of things the hard way.
Joan: I’d like that a lot. I’m always eager to hear the behind the scenes stories…
Jane
I imagined Jane as someone who’s an easy yes to writing, but together we came up with something much more creative and way better.
Rich: What would you like to know about CAP. Where should we start?
Jane: I feel like I know so much about CAP already. I’m definitely a fan.
Rich: What is it you like?
Jane: I like the whole thing. Norma invited me to sit in on a children’s workshop, and it was thrilling to see how engaged the kids were. How you could see the lights come on in their eyes. How they came up with really good ideas about what to do in dangerous situations. How they were able to talk about scary stuff with increasing confidence. How much they loved doing the special safety yell in their classroom.
Rich: Yes, that’s always a big hit.
Jane: And I love your success stories. I was abused for years when I was a teenager, and I think how my life might have been changed if I had had even one hour of CAP.
Rich: I didn’t know you were abused.
Jane: Yes. That’s what led me to become a therapist and why I’ve chosen to work with women who are survivors of abuse.
Rich: I know one of your clients and she can’t stop talking about how much you matter to them.
Jane: It wasn’t easy becoming a therapist. Because of my history, my training was extraordinarily painful but also extraordinarily healing. I’m doing really well now and have a life I love.
Rich: I’m so very glad to hear that.
Jane: CAP touches me deeply. But too deeply to just write a check.
Rich: What do you mean?
Jane: I need to do something more.
Rich: It’s not enough, the work you do with your clients?
Jane: No.
Rich: Well, do you want to play with some possibilities?
Jane: What do you mean?
Rich: Just start talking about what thoughts you’ve been having about doing more and let’s see where that takes us.
Jane: Okay, if you’ve got the time.
Rich: I do. There’s no need to rush.
Jane: Well, you know what’s most on my mind about CAP?
Rich: What’s that?
Jane: Since being in that workshop with Norma, and since reading through the CAP curriculum, I’ve been teaching some of my clients prevention strategies.
Rich: That’s so interesting. What’s happened for them?
Jane: Well, it’s been so powerful teaching women abused as children the strategies that work for children. It’s given them something really important. I can’t quite explain it yet, but it’s a way of giving them now what they needed back then.
Rich: What a remarkable thing to do.
Jane: And somehow it gives them a sense of safety in the here and now. And the safer they feel, the deeper they go in their therapy work.
Rich: Wow, I love hearing this. What kind of possibilities can you think of then?
Jane: I’ve been having some ideas, but I don’t know if this would be okay with you. I was thinking that when I get another few months of experience with this, that I’d like to teach other therapists what I’ve learned. In fact, I’ve talked with Belinda, the therapist across the hall from me, and she’s started doing this with two clients and she’s getting the same results.
Rich: So would you do workshops? How would you see this playing out?
Jane: I don’t have a plan, but I’m thinking maybe a series of workshops. I’d have no more than six therapists at a time so we can make sure they really get this and do it right.
Rich: If it’s okay to ask, what would it give you personally to do this kind of training?
Jane: Oh, I’m a little shy about answering that, but I want more. I love my work and I love my clients. But it’s not enough. I want to make a bigger difference in my profession. I want survivors to have the benefits of this prevention work. That’s the priority, but I also want to make a place for myself in the wider world of therapy. I guess there’s some ego there.
Rich: You know, as you’re talking about this, what I feel is not your ego but your heart.
Jane: Well, this does matter to me. And here’s what I’d like to do. Would it be too much to ask to partner with CAP? I know you guys are super busy.
Rich: I think it would be great to partner with you. How would it work?
Jane: I’d do the workshops and charge for them and give the money to CAP, and I’d expect that you’d get some new donors from among the therapists I work with.
Rich: Are you sure you want to give the money to CAP? You’re going to be doing all the work.
Jane: Thanks for asking, but I’m very sure. That would feel just exactly right. It’s a way for me to give back. And…
Rich: And?
Jane: And a way to give myself something that I need, too. It’s something I really want to do. I can’t believe how shy I’m feeling about that part of it.
Rich: Well, your plan seems like a win for everybody. You’re exactly the kind of person we want as a supporter of CAP. I see such a match between who you are and who we are.
Jane: That feels really good to hear. So what’s the next step?
Rich: I see what you’re doing as an important gift to CAP as well as a really creative extension of our work, so I’d like to make you an official member of our Leadership Circle.
Jane: You know I’ll donate all the money I might raise with this project to CAP, but I don’t know how much it would be.
Rich: We’d appreciate whatever money you raise to support our work. But more importantly, what you’d be doing is partnering with CAP and doing leadership work in the community on preventing abuse and dealing with the effects of abuse. You definitely belong in our Leadership Circle if you’d like to be there.
Jane: I would. It would actually mean a lot to me.
Rich: And here’s an offer, if you want. I’m thinking of two of our staff right now, bright, creative women, who I think would be personally very interested in this project. Would it help to have a team to strategize with?
Jane: Yes! I’d love it. And I know Belinda would want to join in. Yes, thank you!
Rich: Okay, I’ll talk with them today.
When you take the ask deeper into the person’s need to make a difference, you have no idea what might happen.
There are a million more stories that are possible. You get to dream up bunches of them, and then go out in the world and bring some of them to life.
